...and so, in honor of the big holiday, I present to you five great things from, about, and relating to France.
Yes, that's right: five.
1. Léon the Professional. So it's set in New York City - so what? The director is French. The star is French. The violence is presented tastefully and yet is bloody to shocking effect - how French is that? It's a French movie. So get over it. And go see it. Now.
2. Wine. Ah yes, my old friend wine. Who could resist the light-headedness, or the half-sophisticated kind of drunken banter that only the finest vino brings out, or the way it stains a couch or a carpet or a dress like no liquid should? Not me, and certainly not today. Loved by one and all from the corner office to the corner of Lonely Street, we stand together and forever indebted to ancient drunkards on the fields of Brittany.
3. Theirry Henry. Team France lost in the finals this year, it's true, but you know you can't blame this guy. He's a star on an Arsenal team of stars, and arguably the best player in the Premier League - if not the world. Not only that, he also had the guts to launch the Stand Up Speak Up campaign to get those white supremacist assholes out of the European stadiums. No small task, and anyone who's willing to take a stand on such an important issue on such a large scale commands the respect of both you and I.
4. Beyond Good & Evil. Media cover-ups, government scandal, propaganda wars, unintentional cannibalism, evil leaders and photojournalism as a weapon - who else could make a video game out of all that?
5. Melissa Theuriau. I'm sure she's a good reporter. I'm sure she's unbiased in her approach. I'm sure she does a great job when the cameras aren't rolling. Sadly, I don't speak French so all I can say is this:
The most beautiful woman to ever happen to broadcast journalism. Ever. Vive la France!
Yes, France, you're a good one indeed. Don't let those "Freedom Fries" pigs get you down - you know we love you. And tonight, I will raise a glass of Dremmwell Brune to that.
Jour De Bastille Heureux!